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Toldot – Goal Setting Sibling rivalry happens in many families. One sibling strives for all of the attention of the parents while pushing down the other, then the reverse happens and the other sibling takes the lead. In some families siblings are close friends while in others the only bond that keeps them together is the bond of family. In this week’s Parsha, Toldot, we read of twin siblings who fight with each other for the love of their father. In ancient times the first born son received the birthright. This blessing was so important that Esav and Yaakov fought in Rebecca’s womb to be the first one born. Ultimately Esav is born first, but through a sale and some trickery, Yaakov is given the blessing by Isaac. As I read this story each year I understand it quite differently. Before I had children it made sense that one child was closer to the mother and one to the father. Children take on traits of their parents and parents are closer with these children. When my son Nadav was born, I never imagined being able to love anyone as much as my firstborn son. I would groom him to be the person that I wanted/want him to be, learning all of the things I never did, experiencing things I only imagined. Then something remarkable happened. Two years later, Yaron was born and I found that my love for him was equal to my love for Nadav. Not to second guess one of our forefathers, but as parents we must be careful not to show favoritism (this problem will manifest itself again in fact with Yaakov playing favorites with one of his children). Though the firstborn was to receive the birthright, throughout the Torah it was the younger sibling, Isaac (rather than Ishmael), Yaakov (rather than Esav), Efraim (rather than Menashe), Moshe (rather than Aaron), and with many of our Kings as well. All of the children have equal potential. When the prophet Samuel chose the first King, he chose Saul, from the Tribe of Benjamin. Benjamin was the youngest of Yaakov’s twelve sons and the smallest of the twelve tribes. This shows us that even the smallest and weakest could have the greatest potential. We as parents have to expect equal of our children. I have to be very careful with this statement. If one of my children is a “B” student I cannot expect A’s and be disappointed if he does not receive them. Yet if his brother is an “A” student and does receive a “B” – I can show some disappointment. We must expect our children to do the best that they can, but know their limitations. We must set goals for our children that are high but reachable. When they reach them – set new ones. AS A FAMILY: Set a goal for the week for each person as to what you should strive towards this week. Set them high but reachable. Each person should set a goal for someone else in the family and then set one for themself.
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